by Rabbi Joe Ozarowski, D.Min., BCC
Rabbinic Counselor and Chaplain, JCFS Chicago

The Hebrew word “Seder” means order. The Seder evening and Hagada have a framework—a time for talking, a time for ritual foods, a time for dinner, a time for praising God, a time for singing, a time for engaging children, a time for questions and a time to think about possible answers. But the order of the Seder also refers to the non-ritual aspects of the evening. We often have a routine of who comes, who we might invite, where we sit, how we arrange the table, and more. These things can change from year to year, yet they are always present in some form. But what happens when the order is upended? What challenges the sense of order when a loved one who has been a part of our sacred evening is no longer with us. Where is the “seder”—the order—when the Seder has been changed, the order ripped away from us?

We have all been there.    A family member, friend or close work colleague experiences the death of a loved one.  Now what? What do we say or do?  We may attend the funeral or Shiva and assume we have done our part in being a support, but the mourning process takes longer than most people think.  We may feel overwhelmed with our own feelings and be confused with what to do.  How can we be there for someone who is bereaved?  Although the grief and mourning process is unique to each individual, there are some ways you can be of help.  

The adage goes that in life, you never know what’s just around the bend. As an organization committed to healing, helping, and supporting over 26,000 children, adults, and families, JCFS Chicago  understands that some of those surprises just over the horizon are hard to prepare for, and can leave unexpected craters in their aftermath. These events—illness, the death of a loved one, addiction, etc—can leave an individual feeling defeated or alone, and that’s precisely when they need support the most.