For some children, simply getting through the school day is a struggle. This is especially true at the beginning of the school year, when students are putting a lot of emotional effort into remaining regulated during the school day as they learn new routines, meet new teachers and classmates, and get used to new spaces.

By the end of the day, students are naturally exhausted. But some will experience restraint collapse—a coping mechanism that children use to release their pent-up emotions after maintaining self-control throughout the school day. 

This can look like increased tantrums later in the day, more challenging mealtimes and bedtimes, and more difficulty transitioning to after-school activities. 

Virginia Frank Child Development Center clinicians share what parents can do to help:

• Create a “transition to home” ritual by setting up age-appropriate sensory activities such as playdoh, coloring pages, or water/sand bins to provide a regulating space where children can move their bodies and have decompression time.
• Keep routines consistent after school and continue to maintain your usual meal and bedtime routines while expecting some more pushback and dysregulation.
• Know that this will likely get easier as children adjust to the new school year. If things don’t improve over time, consider seeking additional support to better understand how your child is managing throughout the school day and what additional supports they may need both at school and at home.

When children start a new school year, or begin attending a new school, parents can also help alleviate their child’s anxiety by managing their own. It’s normal to feel nervous about your child starting in a new school environment. Parents can take steps to prepare themselves emotionally for the transition, which can help them feel more confident to better support their child through the change:

• Learn the logistics of new drop-off routines ahead of time. You might be mourning the transition from a care setting where you felt connected to the providers, the marking of your child’s development and aging, and the loss of familiarity.
• Look at pictures of the new school, attend open houses and orientations, and talk about plans for who will drop off and pick up, as well as any other changes to these routines.
• Create new rituals to foster predictability and security (eg. goodbye rituals like the Kissing Hand).
• Practice packing their schoolbag/lunch box ahead of time and including a family picture for them to hold onto at school.
• Show your child that you trust the new teachers/providers. Your child will pick up on your trust or hesitancy, and this can impact separations and how your child adjusts to their new classroom environment.
• Get support if you’re struggling with this transition and would benefit from processing the experience with other adults.