^{By Allison Frank, former JCFS Community Services Social Work Intern} 

Every year, JCFS Chicago partners with six synagogues in the Lakeview, Edgewater, and Gold Coast neighborhoods to host a Shabbaton—a weekend dedicated to raising awareness and providing support around collaboratively selected topics, oftentimes those that receive little attention or are stigmatized in the Jewish world.   

This year’s theme: The Ripples of Divorce through the Lifespan, addressed both the experiences of individuals and families across generations, while equipping clergy with practical tools for support. Rabbi Ezra Weinberg and Batsheva Ganz, LMHC, co-founders of Areivut, visited communities JCFS serves, offering clergy training, sermons, process spaces for divorcees and their loved ones, and lessons for everyone, whether impacted directly or indirectly by divorce and its ripples. Areivut provides training and consultation around divorce to help reduce stigma, increase awareness, and build community-wide support for divorcees in Jewish communities.   

Lesson One: Divorce doesn’t happen to “them,” it happens to “us.”  

Divorce rates in the broader Jewish community echo the rates among Americans more generally, hovering around 55%. Batsheva shared a poignant Talmudic quote, “כָּל יִשְׂרָאֵל עֲרֵבִים זֶה בָּזֶה” “Kol Yisrael areivim zeh bazeh” “All of Israel are responsible for one another.” This was the crux of her D’var Torah – that divorce is not merely a personal problem for the two people going through it. Its ripples are far-reaching, impacting children, extended families, friends, and communities.   

When we understand divorce as a community concern, and truly embody the idea that all of us are responsible for each other, we are called to examine how we discuss divorce, how we experience the ripples, how we show up for those in the eye of the hurricane, and how these actions reflect on us and our values.   

Lesson Two: Divorce is a life cycle event.  

One of Rav Ezra’s most powerful sentiments was simple: “Divorce is a life cycle event.” Like a birth, a death, or a marriage, divorce is a life-changing experience that calls for care, connection, and community. Life cycle events mark a new era, sparking change in people’s lives. Shifting our view of divorce from an individual situation to a community experience encourages us to respond, because in Jewish tradition, life cycle events are not meant to be navigated alone.  

Lesson Three: Divorcees deserve community support.  

A change in rhetoric matters but does little without action. Rav Ezra acknowledged that merely changing one’s view of divorce from “them” to “us” is insufficient if the community doesn’t show up. During Shiva, mourners are not expected to carry their grief alone. They are kept company, brought food by the community, and given both a physical and a metaphorical shoulder to cry on. When a new baby joins a family, people visit, bring gifts, and set up a meal train. Rav Ezra and Batsheva reflected on their personal divorce experiences, noting that they received little from the community beyond the hushed conversations they knew were happening behind their backs.   

“The benefit of community,” said Batsheva, is that “We show up for each other…we lighten the load, help bear the pain, and we go through it all together.” When a community decides its values align with the collective nature of Judaism in all situations, including divorce, it is imperative that its actions also do. Here are some examples: 

• Create a mentoring program that pairs recently divorced people with those who have already gone through the experience. Activities could include developing divorce rituals or regular check-ins.  
• Acknowledge divorce during synagogue services to show that it can be discussed publicly while preserving dignity and privacy. As Rav Ezra noted, “Every time the word divorce is mentioned on the pulpit, someone in the congregation feels seen and is grateful.”  
• Include recent divorcees on the caring committee list for visits and check-ins. “After coming to synagogue as a married person,” said Rav Ezra, “it can be extremely helpful to have someone beside you during the early stages of that transition.” 

Divorce is a complex situation with widespread impact across communities. You don’t need to navigate this journey alone—JCFS is here for support. Call 855.275.5237 or email Ask@JCFS.org, or speak with your clergy.