^{By Tema Zeldes-Roth, Parent/Guardian Outreach Coordinator}

Ups, downs, and everything in between are all a normal part of the roller coaster of adolescence. Most of us have been there ourselves, but as a parent, guardian, or trusted adult of a teen, it can be hard to know how to best offer support. Focusing on creating an accepting, judgement-free environment might be the most important part. Here are some tools for engaging non-judgmental conversations:  

• Prioritize presence and minimize distractions. Often, just being with someone fully does a whole lot to create connection and help them feel heard.  

• Affirm what you’ve heard.  

• Suspend the urge to fix or change the situation. You have important life experience to share, but bringing up solutions right off the bat can make someone feel like their experience is being minimized. You might ask if they want to be helped or heard first, or offer to brainstorm next steps together whenever they are ready. 

• Listen for the “why.” What emotions and dynamics are underlying this situation? What might they be struggling with or needing support with?  

• Shift from expressions of concern or shock to support. Sometimes expressions of concern or surprise can feel judgmental or alienating, even with best intentions. Remaining calm, confident, and assuring them that what they are going through is a natural part of adolescence can help create trust in the relationship and alleviate anxiety.  

• Ask open-ended questions. “I’ve been noticing... how are things going?” “What’s the weather like in your world?” “How long have you been feeling that way?” “What’s .... like?” “What can I do to support you with this?” 

• Invite them to ask you anything.  

• Fold conversations into everyday life. Having conversations during in-between time or other activities can lower the stakes and make it feel less confrontational. While in transit, driving, doing chores together, playing a game, etc.  

For more resources on engaging young people around screens, loneliness, and connection, check out this great tip sheet from Children and Screens.