^{By Aliza Becker, Coordinator, Outreach and Support}

In Mishneh Torah, Hilchot Avel 14:1, Rambam teaches that visiting the sick, comforting mourners, and attending to burial needs are “deeds of kindness that one carries out with one’s person and have no limit.” When someone dies by suicide, these obligations require special sensitivity, compassion, and the removal of stigma.

At the recent Through a Jewish Lens: Hope and Healing for Suicide Loss Survivors, which JCFS co-sponsors annually with the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, Rabbi Marianne Novak spoke about how the Jewish community can best support suicide loss survivors.

Here are a few highlights from her presentation:

Reduce Stigma and Shame
Stigma around suicide often stems from misinterpretations of biblical texts and outdated practices. Today, major Jewish legal authorities affirm that individuals who die by suicide are not to be judged or separated in death. They are entitled to a full funeral and burial honors. Modern psychology teaches that suicide is not a moral failing but often the result of severe, sometimes treatment-resistant illness. Rabbi Novak stated that “a healthy brain does not plan its own demise.”

Language matters. Use phrases like “died by suicide” or “lost to suicide” to convey compassion. Avoid terms such as “committed suicide” or “killed themselves,” which imply blame or criminality.

Supporting Survivors at the Funeral and Shiva
Funerals after suicide should follow standard Jewish practice. Burial occurs in the usual section with customary liturgy. Families may choose a smaller graveside service if helpful. Importantly, there is no obligation to reference the cause of death, although if a family chooses to do so, sharing can further reduce stigma.

Shiva requires care. Survivors often face intrusive “why” questions that deepen grief. Visitors should express love for the deceased, share supportive memories, and avoid speculation. Suicide grief is complex and isolating; thoughtful presence helps mourners feel less alone and more held by their community.

Ongoing Communal Care
After shiva ends, loneliness can intensify. Sustained support—meals, errands, childcare, regular check-ins or anything that foster inclusion—can be profoundly healing. While the first year is often visibly painful, many survivors report that the second year feels harder as external support diminishes. Showing up—especially around the first yahrzeit—prevents it from feeling like a “second funeral.” Memorial projects, tzedakah, and honoring the loved one’s memory can unfold slowly, following the survivors’ own timelines.

Our collective goal: remove shame, affirm dignity, and surround survivors with unwavering compassion. Rabbi Novak hopes that someday deaths by suicide will be spoken about like any tragic death.

JCFS Chicago co-facilitates a monthly virtual support group for adults in the Jewish community and beyond grieving a loss to suicide. Our written materials include You Are Not Alone: Support for Those in the Jewish Community and Beyond Grieving a Death by Suicide and Supporting a Friend or Loved One Through Suicide Loss.

For more information about the support group, co-sponsored with No Shame On U and MISSD, or other support services, email Leah Shefsky.