^{By Aliza Becker, Coordinator, Outreach and Support, JCFS Chicago}

My neighbor is always ready to lend a hand, whether shoveling snow or helping to carry a heavy load. We often chat about our pets—her cats and my dog—and sometimes, even delve into Jewish theology. But when I saw a bumper sticker on her boyfriend’s car advocating for a politician I vehemently opposed, I felt betrayed. And without even knowing where she stood, I began to distance myself.

I reflected on Jewish teachings about friendship. Leviticus 19:18 commands us to “love thy neighbor (or friend) as thyself.” Was I living by that principle? I began to question the lack of political diversity among my friends. After several months of deliberation, I invited my neighbor to lunch and asked about her political views. Then, I just listened. Her perspective, though different from mine, helped me understand her better. I realized that distancing myself from her was more painful than trying to understand her, and she wasn’t going anywhere as my neighbor.

In these turbulent times, we need friends who offer joy, support and emotional well-being. It is comforting to surround ourselves with friends whose views align with our own. But what happens when differences emerge within our friendships – especially around deeply held beliefs or political perspectives?

Here are some suggestions to consider when navigating these friendships.

Assess the value of the relationship

Consider what you share as friends and where you differ. Do you have the emotional energy to sustain the friendship? Would it be a good idea to take a break? What helps you cope with painful feelings?

Sometimes we feel bad about even considering distancing ourselves. Whether you stay engaged or not, it’s important to take care of yourself.

Set clear boundaries

Agree to avoid politically charged topics if that helps. Instead, focus on shared interests like hobbies, memories or common values.

Practice active listening

Take turns sharing your perspectives uninterrupted. Ask open-ended questions like “What led you to that conclusion?” or “How does this issue affect you personally?” This fosters curiosity, mutual respect and deeper understanding.

Set ground rules for dialogue  

If you're ready to engage, establish principles for the conversation, including when it's okay to interrupt or ask questions. Also, clarify your goal; ideally it should be about understanding and not about winning.

Approach conversations with humility

Recognize that truth can be complex and not absolute. You might ask: “Where did you read or hear that?” or “Can you help me understand why you see it that way?” This encourages mutual respect and reduces defensiveness.

Be open to change

Be flexible. If you need to adjust your approach or let go of certain topics, that’s okay.

Prioritize self-care

If conversations become difficult, take a break, suggest a change in activity, or step away. Find what helps you feel centered, whether it's a walk, a light-hearted comment, a deep breath…or talking to someone else.

Allow space to grieve friendship losses

Changes in cherished friendships are painful. It’s healthier to allow yourself to grieve than to bury the pain.

In these challenging times, friendships can be an anchor. By being intentional about our relationships, we increase the likelihood that they will fulfill our emotional needs. As Albert Einstein wisely said, "In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity." Exploring how to navigate complicated friendships can lead to greater self-awareness and growth.

Call JCFS Chicago at 855.275.5237 or email Ask@JCFS.org for help navigating these challenges.